Mar. 6th, 2012

rambling on

Mar. 6th, 2012 03:11 pm
at_sign: The hero from the Quest for Glory series of computer games. (Default)
Sooner or later, the Internet provides, even if what you're looking for is a support group for queer and queer-friendly physicists. All hail the mighty Internet!

I keep thinking I'm coming out of the fog and then I have a downswing again. I made a very general post asking for prayers on a Quaker email list, got overwhelmed by the sheer number of supportive responses I got, and haven't responded to any of them. I'm listening to Dire Straits, which I tend to do when I'm not happy at all, and reading Harry Potter with something bordering on obsession.

I mentioned to my sister the other day that I kind of wish dementors were the cause of depression so I could make it better by eating chocolate, and then thought "I'll bet I'm the first person in the whole world to wish dementors of all things were real" only given the size of HP fandom you never know. I'm missing being in that fandom sometimes these days -- I mean, I was kind of a horrible person in a lot of ways, back then, and I'm ashamed of a lot of it, but I miss my friends and belonging to that huge community of people, thousands of members and hundreds active, bound together by our love for the books. Re-reading OotP reminds me why I left, though; Harry really is an unpleasant character in that one, and it's a downer. I don't know. I'm not sure it's good to be reading those books while I'm depressed, but as I said, it's like an obsession. Kind of like when I was sixteenish, actually!

I need a new copy of PoA -- mine's worn out. Thinking if I do my duty by school this week, and especially if I actually make an appointment to see a shrink, I'll reward myself with that and the new Springsteen album, which I desperately need. Have I ever mentioned, Internet, that I idolize Bruce Springsteen? He's, like, my image of the constructively masculine, whether that's reasonable or not. And the new album sounds awesome -- I've heard most of it in promotional streaming format -- so I'm really excited about it.

Yeah, I don't know where this post is going, or where it started come to that.

There's rather a lot of people who love me, and I almost can't handle it, and I'm going to be okay but I'm not sure how yet. Taking this day by day, maybe even hour by hour....

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