Mar. 10th, 2012

at_sign: The hero from the Quest for Glory series of computer games. (Default)
I went in for counseling yesterday. Actually, if I'm being honest, my sister went to school with me and made sure I didn't wuss out, to the point where when I was standing outside the door trying to talk myself out of going in and making the appointment she stood there with her arms crossed and told me if I'd just walk in and do it she'd accompany me on one errand of my choosing after, and I finally steeled myself and walked in and was told I'd better just take the 3:00 appointment because they're so booked up otherwise, etc. so that rather than just making the appointment and walking out I found myself sitting in the waiting room wondering how I'd explain myself to this strange person the school was paying to take care of me.

Anyway, I did it. He told me I didn't meet the criteria for depression and what I'm feeling is a very normal, healthy reaction to living in an oppressive system, and what we need to work on is how I deal with it. I came out smiling -- I actually did -- and with another appointment for next week. I mean, the guy knows nothing about trans* stuff, but he's quite well-informed about discrimination (minority himself) and very empathic, so it was helpful to get his opinion. We'll see how it works out going forward, but right now I am much more optimistic than I was.

Then we went on my one errand (record store, about five seconds because what we were looking for was prominently displayed in the front of the store) and went out for completely unhealthy edible stuff, and when we made it home it was way later than we'd planned and I was blasted -- went to bed early, as a matter of fact -- but the sense of accomplishment, that I did everything I needed to for the whole week, that was incredible.

And. And. You guys, the new Springsteen album: spoilers and song lyrics cut. )

epilogue

Mar. 10th, 2012 02:10 pm
at_sign: The hero from the Quest for Glory series of computer games. (Default)
And now I'm to "if hurting so much is normal and healthy, what am I going to do for the rest of my life?" and the first ever time I've had, for even an instant, the question of whether it's even worth living.

Fuck. Glad I've got that follow-up, I guess.

MOAR SPRINGSTEENS NAO.

May 2013

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